6 Temmuz 2012 Cuma


There are three main reasons why this post is in English. First, i feel like it. Second, i seriously do not give a shit about people who are well beyond their twenties but cannot speak English. And last, someday, some HR person would search me through the internet and i want to give them something interesting.

Today, one of my grandpas died. He is dead now. In any religious perspective, this means he is in somewhere better yet i consider being 'weak in religion' as a strictly important personality trait. So, i am scared.

Experience of being the black sheep of the family -a relatively large one, i must admit, is glamorous. Amount of freedom i achieve is unimaginable by my peers. That is, i always had the luxury to regard myself as an experienced, self sufficient and ambitious person; if there is something i cannot do, it is either i do not want to achieve or i have not put any effort in it yet. Upon that, i enjoy being lost in a fake universe of vanity; given enough time, i believe i am capable of anything, that is, and everything. Beauty of the delusion i live in depends merely to personality traits like being stubborn, ambitious, analytical and batshit angry all the time. However, the idea that i would be dead someday and the power that idea accumulates (by increasing the sum of death count world wide) diminishes my power in great extent. I am completely powerless against a very abstract but common process; time. I spent night over night, imagining my demise in any possible scenario, still i could not come up with a plan. How i would achieve immortality or how i would cheat death is still a mystery but i decided to be a good person and leave a legacy to the people i live by and around.

At that point, i needed to challenge my cynicism, pragmatism and constant boredom to, at least, start treating people kindly. It turned out to be i am an A-class asshole and i have an unredemptable mind-mouth pipeline that supplies shit day and night, four seasons and even in sundays. Problem was that, the personality i built was not built around how i handle tasks through my life but it was embedded into each and every function that i have as a person; an Occam's Razor that slaughtered the people those decrease my efficiency or personification of a little, teenage Marquis de Sade who brought me pain which i secretly enjoy or i enjoy whining about.

I was mad. I cried for someone to discover immortality and i begged for someone to prove that God existed for sure. Civilization did not respond; it continued to swell and move like an arrogant jellyfish. As i rejected the probability that i could be a very good person and be loved, i realized that people handle their life relatively bad; i am not happy and that is okay for i am actually prepared for any of the 'shit hits the fan' situation. I intended to write a manual for people to instruct them about how to manage their lives.

Upon that, i discovered a new truth that crushed me; i have no god damn idea how people live their lives and only fact i know is that they cannot manage it or manage it half-ass. I gone howling mad but as the evolution of lupus proves, howling is not useful unless you wanna mate and my confidence was miles away from mating.

Eventually i decided to make a list of the ideas, judgements, prejudices and rules that i live by. Here is the list, titled as 'rules of my life' and remember with all good will i intended it to be a one hundred point list but i stuck around fifties. If you do not like it at all or if you do not like any of them, you can always suck my balls for i would be a totally different person if i care about what you have to write as comment.

Rules of my life
  1. People do not matter as much as you imagine.
  2. If you believe that intention is more important than result, you will not be able to do anything properly.
  3. Practically anyone that masturbates more than you is less naïve than you.
  4. Death is a serious issue; if one claims that he does not think about death or not scared of it, he is insincere or an idiot.
  5. Being able to be surprised by anything is a major gift.
  6. Having fun or enjoying life is trivial unless you are able to sustain your life.
  7. Life is essentially full of unpleasant things; it is not purposefully evil to you.
  8. Close the tap of the soda tight.
  9. Quantum is not a philosophy; it is a major branch of modern physics.
  10. Do not dampen the toilet paper.
  11. Do not sleep on the common couch if you are naked. If you do, do not sweat.
  12. Coffee is a drug; use it at your own risk.
  13. If two people with different bad personality traits make friends, they will exchange the bad traits first: not that they are corrupt but it is easy.
  14. If you do not exercise and if you are an optimist, you are likely to die in vain.  Change at least one of them.
  15. Tolerance is the ideal combination of pacifism and vanity. Prefer ‘respect’ instead.
  16. Sex is important but not essential.
  17. Money does not talk; it hardly listens. However, it mostly gets the answers.
  18. Never leave the lid of the refrigerator open.
  19. As evolution of humans includes a communicative aspect, trying to express yourself with glares and glances is totally stupid.
  20. To imagine committing a crime is not bad; executing it is debatable.
  21. Confidence is not bad; stupidity is.
  22. If one has ever taken a joke seriously, one probably did not comprehend it.
  23. Health cannot be invested in, but you can invest in resistance.
  24. If one has a hunch, he has to get rid of it and get a straight back.
  25. Carrying as much stuff as you can makes one more mobile and mostly, mobility wins.
  26. No one will put much effort in discovering the good but not yet revealed properties another one has. Period.
  27. If one discovers an attitude-behavior inconsistency in someone, that one should start an epic mockery.
  28. Feed cat food to cats and dog food to dogs; various types of meat are for your children.
  29. Pride is costly; if one is not able to cover it, one should not get used to it.
  30. Looks matter. It is relatively difficult to perceive and evaluate one’s personality compared to perceive and evaluate one’s looks.
  31. Respecting your opponent is a security measure; treating them respectfully is a risk. So, if you cannot outsmart someone, you can still humiliate him.
  32. Snakes, crocodiles, iguanas etc. are not real animals. Frogs, however, are for they have a soft belly despite being cold-blooded.
  33. Sticks and stones can break my bones; seriously.
  34. If local food is weird that place probably legitimized incest, murder, sacrifice etc.
  35. One can never be sure about the existence of God but still shun the nonbeliever.
  36. Threats are the most explicit ways of defining mutual benefit; the rest is not the problem of threatening party.
  37. A profane indifference, moderate to high self-esteem and a passive hatred may aid one in all phases of your life.
  38. One should wash his hands as frequent as one can.
  39. Power does not corrupt; this is a lie that teen anarchists adore. Power only reveals the existing corruption and bigger power reveals bigger. Else, larger the corruption; easier to achieve power.
  40. Speculation in the nature of the god or the universe does not require creativity and intelligence. Financial speculation, on the other hand, does.
  41. Fat people are evil and immoral.
  42. One should not try to plan his luggage unless one is a scientist, engineer or managerial professional. Else, one should focus on understanding how much one can carry.
  43. If one is weak or faint-hearted, he should not read anything about post-modernism. It is sad and it breaks your heart.
  44. Every day, face the sun at least once.
  45. If one does not think of marriage, one just has not met the right one
  46. If one does not like children, one just has not met the right one.
  47. Psychology is not a science that would change the world. It is not a science and it will not change the world.
  48. Have a printer in your home.
  49. Dices and coins have no memory. This does not change the fact that statistics is black magic.
  50. If something is beyond repair, go for experimenting.
  51. An individual’s initial hatred towards another is positively correlated with initial show off of difference between social classes.
  52. Keeping three things and keeping them clean, is essential; hands, teeth and computer.
  53. If you cannot do something, pretend like someone who can do it.
  54. Please humbly accept that faggot is not a bad word from homophobic discourse.
  55. Never trust a woman who says she could not get on well with other women.
Enjoy the show.

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