There are three main reasons why this post is in English. First, i feel like it. Second, i seriously do not give a shit about people who are well beyond their twenties but cannot speak English. And last, someday, some HR person would search me through the internet and i want to give them something interesting.
Today, one of my grandpas died. He is dead now. In any religious perspective, this means he is in somewhere better yet i consider being 'weak in religion' as a strictly important personality trait. So, i am scared.
Experience of being the black sheep of the family -a relatively large one, i must admit, is glamorous. Amount of freedom i achieve is unimaginable by my peers. That is, i always had the luxury to regard myself as an experienced, self sufficient and ambitious person; if there is something i cannot do, it is either i do not want to achieve or i have not put any effort in it yet. Upon that, i enjoy being lost in a fake universe of vanity; given enough time, i believe i am capable of anything, that is, and everything. Beauty of the delusion i live in depends merely to personality traits like being stubborn, ambitious, analytical and batshit angry all the time. However, the idea that i would be dead someday and the power that idea accumulates (by increasing the sum of death count world wide) diminishes my power in great extent. I am completely powerless against a very abstract but common process; time. I spent night over night, imagining my demise in any possible scenario, still i could not come up with a plan. How i would achieve immortality or how i would cheat death is still a mystery but i decided to be a good person and leave a legacy to the people i live by and around.
At that point, i needed to challenge my cynicism, pragmatism and constant boredom to, at least, start treating people kindly. It turned out to be i am an A-class asshole and i have an unredemptable mind-mouth pipeline that supplies shit day and night, four seasons and even in sundays. Problem was that, the personality i built was not built around how i handle tasks through my life but it was embedded into each and every function that i have as a person; an Occam's Razor that slaughtered the people those decrease my efficiency or personification of a little, teenage Marquis de Sade who brought me pain which i secretly enjoy or i enjoy whining about.
I was mad. I cried for someone to discover immortality and i begged for someone to prove that God existed for sure. Civilization did not respond; it continued to swell and move like an arrogant jellyfish. As i rejected the probability that i could be a very good person and be loved, i realized that people handle their life relatively bad; i am not happy and that is okay for i am actually prepared for any of the 'shit hits the fan' situation. I intended to write a manual for people to instruct them about how to manage their lives.
Upon that, i discovered a new truth that crushed me; i have no god damn idea how people live their lives and only fact i know is that they cannot manage it or manage it half-ass. I gone howling mad but as the evolution of lupus proves, howling is not useful unless you wanna mate and my confidence was miles away from mating.
Eventually i decided to make a list of the ideas, judgements, prejudices and rules that i live by. Here is the list, titled as 'rules of my life' and remember with all good will i intended it to be a one hundred point list but i stuck around fifties. If you do not like it at all or if you do not like any of them, you can always suck my balls for i would be a totally different person if i care about what you have to write as comment.
Rules of my life
- People do not matter as much as you imagine.
- If you believe that intention is more important than result, you will not be able to do anything properly.
- Practically anyone that masturbates more than you is less naïve than you.
- Death is a serious issue; if one claims that he does not think about death or not scared of it, he is insincere or an idiot.
- Being able to be surprised by anything is a major gift.
- Having fun or enjoying life is trivial unless you are able to sustain your life.
- Life is essentially full of unpleasant things; it is not purposefully evil to you.
- Close the tap of the soda tight.
- Quantum is not a philosophy; it is a major branch of modern physics.
- Do not dampen the toilet paper.
- Do not sleep on the common couch if you are naked. If you do, do not sweat.
- Coffee is a drug; use it at your own risk.
- If two people with different bad personality traits make friends, they will exchange the bad traits first: not that they are corrupt but it is easy.
- If you do not exercise and if you are an optimist, you are likely to die in vain. Change at least one of them.
- Tolerance is the ideal combination of pacifism and vanity. Prefer ‘respect’ instead.
- Sex is important but not essential.
- Money does not talk; it hardly listens. However, it mostly gets the answers.
- Never leave the lid of the refrigerator open.
- As evolution of humans includes a communicative aspect, trying to express yourself with glares and glances is totally stupid.
- To imagine committing a crime is not bad; executing it is debatable.
- Confidence is not bad; stupidity is.
- If one has ever taken a joke seriously, one probably did not comprehend it.
- Health cannot be invested in, but you can invest in resistance.
- If one has a hunch, he has to get rid of it and get a straight back.
- Carrying as much stuff as you can makes one more mobile and mostly, mobility wins.
- No one will put much effort in discovering the good but not yet revealed properties another one has. Period.
- If one discovers an attitude-behavior inconsistency in someone, that one should start an epic mockery.
- Feed cat food to cats and dog food to dogs; various types of meat are for your children.
- Pride is costly; if one is not able to cover it, one should not get used to it.
- Looks matter. It is relatively difficult to perceive and evaluate one’s personality compared to perceive and evaluate one’s looks.
- Respecting your opponent is a security measure; treating them respectfully is a risk. So, if you cannot outsmart someone, you can still humiliate him.
- Snakes, crocodiles, iguanas etc. are not real animals. Frogs, however, are for they have a soft belly despite being cold-blooded.
- Sticks and stones can break my bones; seriously.
- If local food is weird that place probably legitimized incest, murder, sacrifice etc.
- One can never be sure about the existence of God but still shun the nonbeliever.
- Threats are the most explicit ways of defining mutual benefit; the rest is not the problem of threatening party.
- A profane indifference, moderate to high self-esteem and a passive hatred may aid one in all phases of your life.
- One should wash his hands as frequent as one can.
- Power does not corrupt; this is a lie that teen anarchists adore. Power only reveals the existing corruption and bigger power reveals bigger. Else, larger the corruption; easier to achieve power.
- Speculation in the nature of the god or the universe does not require creativity and intelligence. Financial speculation, on the other hand, does.
- Fat people are evil and immoral.
- One should not try to plan his luggage unless one is a scientist, engineer or managerial professional. Else, one should focus on understanding how much one can carry.
- If one is weak or faint-hearted, he should not read anything about post-modernism. It is sad and it breaks your heart.
- Every day, face the sun at least once.
- If one does not think of marriage, one just has not met the right one
- If one does not like children, one just has not met the right one.
- Psychology is not a science that would change the world. It is not a science and it will not change the world.
- Have a printer in your home.
- Dices and coins have no memory. This does not change the fact that statistics is black magic.
- If something is beyond repair, go for experimenting.
- An individual’s initial hatred towards another is positively correlated with initial show off of difference between social classes.
- Keeping three things and keeping them clean, is essential; hands, teeth and computer.
- If you cannot do something, pretend like someone who can do it.
- Please humbly accept that faggot is not a bad word from homophobic discourse.
- Never trust a woman who says she could not get on well with other women.
Enjoy the show.